Individual Coaching for Teen Girls

I will never actually fit in.

But oh my gosh – I try. I try to be cool and whatever I’m doing makes it seem like I’m happy and okay, I guess. I mean, I think that’s what other people think.

Because I’m popular, yup, I can say that I don’t have a group – I know everyone. But that’s just it. I don’t have a group, and I know everyone.

Sure, it’s great to be popular and liked by so many people, but I don’t have a place to belong. Where’s my tribe?

I am alone, literally.

It doesn’t make sense to me how I can be liked by so many people and feel so alone. I get ready for school dances alone and walk in alone but with a smile. I feel hot and nervous.

What if this is the time that the other kids in their groups shut me out? Maybe this is the time when they decide that they want to be with “their people,” there’s not a space for me to stand, and then they all will see that I am alone.

Is everyone only being nice? Does anyone honestly like me? What do these other girls do at their sleepovers after dances?

I wish I had friends so we could have a sleepover. Instead, I go home alone, somewhat teary, and get ready for bed, wondering what the other girls in my class do together.

Making mistakes is constantly on my mind.

I’m so afraid to mess up because people might make fun of me. If I raise my hand and give the wrong answer, they’ll see I’m not smart.

But that’s not as bad as freakin’ kickball. Ughhhh – I hate P.E. There is nothing worse than kickball at school. Well, maybe a few things are this bad, but I will always opt out rather than play, even though I want to play.

What if I completely whiff the ball and miss the kick? Then, what if I’m in the outfield, and I don’t catch the ball, or if I do and throw it, it doesn’t make it?

I love to be outside and play, but the idea of being made fun of is not worth it.

Having a bad boyfriend is the price I pay to belong anywhere. 

Keep the outside looking good and smile – that’s my role. I have a boyfriend. I want to break up with him, but I can’t because he is my identity. I’m the good girl with the bad boyfriend, and that’s where I sort of have a place. It’s not the spot I want to be, but that’s where I am.

Even though he leaves me there when he comes to dances. When he does stuff like this, it makes me feel so embarrassed – like the spotlight shines on me with a neon sign above my head that says, ‘ALONE!’ He puts me in these deep, sad lows and then fixes it – and I’m sick of that but, if I break up with him, I have nowhere to be. I’d be even more alone – popular and alone.

So, I don’t do anything he doesn’t think is cool because what if he breaks up with me? I want to try out for the drama club or be part of Homecoming, but he doesn’t think it’s cool, so I don’t. And I won’t. Without him, things could be even worse.

I keep looking good at any price.

Lunchtime – I either talk to one of my teachers, busy myself doing something, or sit in the shadow of my boyfriend and his friends, not saying anything.

I must make it seem like I don’t care that I don’t have a group of girlfriends.

I must appear content with focusing on all these accomplishments. At least they fill the void and fill up time, in a way, but my heart is still alone.

I’m scared to do anything different but make the outside look good. How did I get this way? Will it always be this way?

Growing up is hard.

Growing up is hard because your beliefs and the way you see the world result from you growing up in a particular environment.

You didn’t choose your family dynamics, school, or the community in which you live.

You’ve found yourself there, and it’s hard to understand why things are the way they are. Not to mention – is it even possible for things to ever be different?

Yes – liking yourself makes things different.

Things in your life can be different. You can be part of a close group of girlfriends and like yourself. That’s the first focus point – enjoying yourself and being friends with yourself. Care for yourself in the way you care for others.

Take a quick check on the comments you’ve said to yourself today. Were you kind to yourself? Would you say what you said to yourself to anyone else?

Right now, you’re willing to spend your time and energy on making sure you don’t stand out in a way that might not get approval from some others.

You’ve put more value in the opinions of others than yourself – especially that boyfriend. While it might seem like he’s the best thing for you right now, he’s in your way.

Know this – how you got to where you are now is not your fault.

Be proud of yourself for recognizing that it doesn’t feel right. Together, we can make more things feel right. You will begin to shift to listening to yourself and acting on what you want to do rather than continuing to be what you think other people want you to be.

And once you’re willing to like yourself and believe that other people like you for YOU, I’m ready to bet those close friends will come naturally.

You have a vibrant life ahead of you; don’t hold yourself down by living for others.

Don’t keep putting yourself on the back burner. Contact me today!